Jokes Saturday thru Thursday

[floydjer]

Slim will be eating pasties for the 4th......He is very pasty-otic....

[Seldom Seen Slim]

That's stretching it a tad, Jerry.

[floydjer]

O.K......Correction time. Slim did not sit around eating a pasty because he is pasty-otic. He sat around reciting  idioms........

[Stainless1]

Hey Jerry, the Lego store here just reopened... it closed during the pandemic... the local news reported people were lined up for blocks... 

[floydjer]

Well Robert....Someone left a box Legos on my doorstep.....I do not know what to make of it.....

[floydjer]

Know what I do when someone doesn't like my Lego jokes??....I block them..... :naughty

[Speed Limit 1000]

 What?s the difference between sex and LEGO...
Seeing you have asked the question you should probably stick to LEGO

[Seldom Seen Slim]

Sorry the image is kinda dark.

[WOODY@DDLLC]

Missing the penny, Slim! 

[Seldom Seen Slim]

Nah, not really.  Not that many screw-in fuses left these days. :-P

[tallguy]

One day, on the way from California to Bonneville, I was passing through Reno while listening to my car radio.

I heard -- in what sounded like an ad -- something like "patio sex".  Well, I knew that in some parts of Nevada, prostitution is
legal.  And I knew that for many years, there was a well-known bordello near Reno.  So I thought, if it's legal, then they might  advertise it on the radio, right?  Maybe they're offering a special deal on (shall we say) "being serviced" outdoors, on a patio.  I mean, this is the warm time of the year. 

Then I heard the guy say something about "table and chairs".  That's when I realized that I should be wearing my hearing aids
while driving.

[floydjer]

🤔....I spent most of last Sunday grilling chickens....Not one of them told me why it crossed the road...

[tallguy]

Q:  What's the world's oldest tool?

A:  A hoe.

[tallguy]

The Spoon

Once I was in a restaurant, eating dessert (ice cream).  For some unknown reason, the spoon
slipped out of my hand and fell on the floor.  About 2 seconds later, the waiter was there, and
handed me a spoon.  I was a little surprised, but gladly accepted it and thanked him.  I asked him if he knew that I was going to drop my spoon.  "Not exactly," he replied, "but we are pretty well-known for our great ice cream, and a lot of people drop spoons.  A few weeks ago, we had an efficiency expert here, and he suggested that if all the waiters carried spoons, it would save time, improve service, and therefore help our bottom line."

I continued eating my ice cream, and after a minute or so, noticed that the waiter had a little
string hanging out of his pants zipper.  I thought it looked kinda weird, so I beckoned him over,
and told him that I noticed string hanging out of his pants.  He explained, "Yes -- that's another thing that the efficiency expert suggested.  As you know, there's a state law that says that all employees, after using the restroom, are required to wash their hands.  The efficiency expert told us that if we didn't touch ourselves "down there" while using the restroom, then we would be exempt from having to wash our hands . . . which would also help our efficiency -- and therefore, our bottom line."

"That makes sense," I told him, "Thanks."

As I finished my ice cream, though, I was wondering about something.  So I called the waiter over
again and asked him, "I can imagine you 'pulling it out' with the string.  But how do you 'put it back' without touching it?"
                                   . . .
                                       . . .
                                         . . .
                                             . . . "With a spoon."

[tallguy]

Husband:   "Why is it that 75 percent of the time, women answer a question with another question?"

Wife:  "Do they really do that, Dear?"