Stupid joke FRIDAY

[Seldom Seen Slim]

Commander-in-Chief Forum?  A new video game?

[floydjer]

Wow....you guys started without ME .....My blonde friend Marybeth called last night and wondered if I could "take a gander" at her car...The brakes were acting funny....I asked where she was.." In the grocery store" was the reply...So I inquired as to where the car was...." It`s in here with me ....."

[WOODY@DDLLC]

Commander-in-Chief Forum?  A new video game?

Only if combined with Whack-A-Mole!

1.  If I got 50 cents for every math exam I failed, I'd have $ 6.30 right now.

2.  Do not get tricked into going to the bathroom in a dream. It's a trap!

3.  I ate 4 bowls of delicious alphabet soup.  After that I had a massive vowel movement.

4.  My neighbor says that I am snoopy. Maybe I shouldn't take what she writes in her diary so personally.

5.  I am not a schizophrenic and neither am I.

[floydjer]

Triple- S.....don`t go sullying-up my joke thread with politics....I`ve told you that 39 times...Guess you can`t recall......

[Seldom Seen Slim]

I'll give you about a three and a half, at best, Jerry, for that one.  I had to work at it way too much to be a good Friday funny.  Sorry.

[tauruck]

Well, I deed a drink now!.

[floydjer]

My cat Milo is a bad story teller...He only has one tail............

[floydjer]

What is smarter than a cat??...A spelling bee............

[floydjer]

I think Milo is voting for Hillary Kitten...............

[rouse]

You should teach Milo to play cards... That way he'd hope for trumps

Rouse

[WOODY@DDLLC]

1.  Someone stole my mood ring.  I don't know how I feel about that.

2.  It is literally unpossible for me to fail an English test.  Try me!

3.  Brunette:  I slept with a Brazilian.  Blonde:  Wow!  How many is a Brazilian?

4.  Words cannot express how limited my vocabulary is.

5.  Being cremated is my last hope of having a smoking hot body.

[floydjer]

How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb???/..None, let her wash dishes in the dark.......

[floydjer]

How do you tell if your wife is going blind??..Put a windshield in front of her...............

[Stainless1]

I had a wife once... easy to remember the anniversary... I was a fool, but got married the second I had to....

everyone should now know the date 

[WOODY@DDLLC]

How To Write Good [I was going to save this for your BD, SSS, but ..........]


1.     Avoid Alliteration.  Always.

2.     Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3.     Avoid clichés like the plague.  They are old hat.

4.     Comparisons are as bad as clichés.

5.     Be more or less specific.

6.     Writers should never generalize.

Seven:  Be consistent!

8.     The use of passive voice is to be avoided.

9.     It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

10.   Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

11.   Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

12.   One-word sentences?  Eliminate.

13.   Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

14.   Exaggeration is a brazillian times worse than understatement.

15.   Don't forget to end your sentences in punctuation

16.   Foreign words and phrases:  no mas.

17.   Using profanity in a formal document is horseshit.

18.   Contractions aren't necessary.

19.   Don't be redundant:  Brevity, brevity, brevity!

20.   When it comes to avoiding mixed metaphors, sometimes it's 4th and 15 and you're looking at a full court press to find alternatives.