Stupid joke FRIDAY

[Seldom Seen Slim]

Woody, Woody, Woody.  Where do you get those?  You can't persuade (pursuede?) me that you make 'em up yourself.

Can you?

[floydjer]

This mobster....."Tony" suspects that his deaf/mute ( excuse me...non-speaking-hearing impaired) book keeper is ripping him off...So the mobster calls in his sign language speaking attorney to talk to the guy.  " Tony" points a Kimber .45 ACP at the guy`s head and tells the lawyer to ask where his money is.  The b/k starts signing away and tells the attorney that the cash ..about $10 million ..is buried in a brown suitcase behind his garage. The att. turns to Tony and says....." He said  F$%^ you Tony...You ain`t got the balls to pull the trigger............ 

[Stainless1]

Jerry, Dr. Freud says you are a lexophile, when I asked him to explain he said you wrote a theatrical performance about puns. 
It was a play on words. 

Thanks Doc.... 

[WOODY@DDLLC]

1.  My wife said I need to grow up.  I was speechless.  It is hard to say anything with 45 gummy bears in your mouth.

2.  I wondered what my grandparents did to fight boredom before the internet.  So I asked my 17 aunts and uncles but they didn't know either.

3.  I hope our next president is good at spelling.  We do not need a mix-up between "Lunch Order" and "Launch Order."

4.  Here is a zinger for that person who makes you mad:  "Well, aren't you a waste of two billion years of evolution."

5.  What do you call a moon that is twice the normal size?     Kim Kardashian.

[saltwheels262]

  What do you call a moon that is twice the normal size?     Kim Kardashian.

You can say that again.

[gkabbt]

  What do you call a moon that is twice the normal size?     Kim Kardashian.

You can say that again.

Baby got FAT Back, FAT Back, FAT Back and MORE FAT Back..........LOL!!!!! 

And remember, her husband has Presidential ambitions.....GOD HELP US ALL!!!!!

Gregg

[Seldom Seen Slim]

Correction! Correction!  Comma Cop at work.

Woody, dang it, you've gone and done it again.  In your #4 the quotation is shown as an interrogative - yet you don't punctuate it correctly.

WTF is wrong with you, man?  Suffering over the demise of the Wilmington track as a venue for LSR?

Comma Cop rests his case.  Q.E.D.

[Seldom Seen Slim]

But speaking of your stuff, Woodson, your first one made me burst out laughing (no gummy bears were injured in the outburst).

A few nights ago I was already in the bedroom as Nancy headed to perform her evening ablutions.  A moment later I heard a bit of a "thump" and Nancy shouting "You are SO JUVENILE!"

I burst into wonderful laughter, thinking that at 68 years old I can still do silly stuff that gets me labeled as a kid.  I'd taped the cover to the toilet seat -- so it wouldn't open right, 'specially in the muted light of almost-bedtime.
Grow Up?  Not me!!!!!

[Ron Gibson]

WINDOWS: Please enter your new password

USER: cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry the password must be more than 8 characters

USER: boiled cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character

USER: 1 boiled cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry the password cannot have blank spaces.

USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages

WINDOWS: Sorry the password must contain at least one upper case character.

USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have more than one upper case letter used consecutively.

USER: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow!

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.

USER:ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow

Windows: Sorry, that password is already in use

PS don't know why it's showing before midnight, It's an hour off

[gkabbt]

TGIF

[gkabbt]

Another

[gkabbt]

And another

[gkabbt]

And another

[gkabbt]

And another

[gkabbt]

And another