Stupid joke FRIDAY

[hoss]

Good idea,  but they always run.

[Ron Gibson]

I always heard clear fingernail polish stops runs. Don't know if you use it to stick their shoes to the floor or what.

Ron

[manta22]

I always heard clear fingernail polish stops runs. Don't know if you use it to stick their shoes to the floor or what.

Ron

No, Ron- It is Kaopectate that stops runs. 

Regards, Neil  Tucson, AZ

[Seldom Seen Slim]

Neil, you're showing your age again.  Young un's won't have a clue as to what the heck is "kaopectate".

[hoss]

Can't believe it, my next door neighbor was knocking on my front door.........at two O-clock in the morning!!
Fortunately I was still up playing my bagpipes.

[floydjer]

I just heard the moon burp...It must be full...................

[floydjer]

Know how to tell when the moon has gone broke???  when it is down to it`s last quarter................

[WOODY@DDLLC]

1. A guy visited a store seeking some fancy soap.  The clerk asked if he wanted it scented.  "No," replied the guy, "I'll just take it with me."

From Johnny Carson:

2. A real estate salesman spent all day Sunday escorting a couple through model homes.
"And this," he said at the tenth home he had shown, "has a hobby room. Do you folks have any hobbies?"
"Yes," replied the woman, "inspecting model homes on Sundays."

3. Adam may have had his troubles, but he never had to listen to Eve talk about the other men she could have married.

4. "It's your wife," said the secretary to her boss. "She wants to give you a kiss over the telephone."
"I'm too busy," replied the executive. "Take the message and I'll get it from you later."

5. A Hollywood producer received a story entitled "The Optimist."  He called his staff together and said: "Gentlemen, this story is great, but the title must be changed to something simple.
We're intelligent and know what an optimist is, but how many of those morons who'll see the picture will know he's an eye doctor?"

[floydjer]

Waiting in the sub-zero wind at the bus stop this morning I noticed the lass next to me was having great difficulty with texting...Must have been typo-thermia................

[floydjer]

Mrs. Floydjer thinks everything is a competition..In fact, she thinks she is a better driver because she has 12 speeding tickets and I only have 3.....

[floydjer]

....Don`t make me break out the Chuck Norris 'facts'....

[WOODY@DDLLC]

A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving a pistol and yelled, "I have a 1911 Colt .45 caliber with a 7 round magazine plus one in the chamber and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife!"  :x
The bar went silent then a voice from the back of the room called out, "You'll need more ammo!" 

[WOODY@DDLLC]

1.       "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"

         "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."

         "Is it common?"

         " Well, It's Not Unusual."


2.     An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.


3.     Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him....A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.


4.     I won't apologize!  And I am sorry if you have a problem with that.


5.     My carbon monoxide detector won't stop beeping! It is giving me a headache, dizziness, and nausea.

[salt27]

5.     My carbon monoxide detector won’t stop beeping! It is giving me a headache, dizziness, and nausea.

Just pull the battery and in a little while it will all go away.   

[Stainless1]

I started collecting samples of scat from animals near extinction....  it's basically endangered feces