Stupid joke FRIDAY

[Stainless1]

Jerry, you're starting to be a little Goofy

[floydjer]

 ......STARTING??

[WOODY@DDLLC]

1.      A patient in the  waiting room of a psychiatrist office believes he is a deck a cards. The doctor enters the waiting room and says, " Sorry, I need to shuffle my schedule so I will deal with you later."

2.      I feel like changing my Facebook username to NOBODY so when someone posts a terrible post and I press the like button it will say "NOBODY likes this."

3.      I, for one, like Roman numerals.

4.      Carolyn was blown away when she walked into the store that sells the world's most powerful fan.

5.      I'd give my left right arm to be ambidextrous.

[Seldom Seen Slim]

Woody, reading your Friday joke posts makes for a great indicator of the issues that still exist in machine translation.  I assume, of course, that you're finding these pearls of wisdom on some strange foreign language site and it's the machine's fault for posting such goofy nonsense.

Right?

[Stan Back]

Wait a minute!!!

(And I never use 3 bangs.)  Every one was a jewel!

[WOODY@DDLLC]

SSS, artificial intelligence will never be a match for natural stupidity! 
Or infantile humor! 

[floydjer]

what is the easiest way to communicate with a fish???........drop it a line.....

[floydjer]

What time is it when a dozen elephants are chasing you ??.....12 after 1

[Seldom Seen Slim]

What time is it when a dozen Hottie women are chasing you ??.....12 after 1 

[Milwaukee Midget]

What time is it when a dozen Hottie women are chasing you ??.....12 after 1 

I think my watch must be broken broken . . .

[WOODY@DDLLC]

1.  Rice is good if you are hungry and want 2,000 of something.

2.  This is my stepladder...I never knew my real ladder.

3.  Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.

4.  "I need my vitamin C but I have no oranges," Brian said fruitlessly.

5.  "I have become taller than Frankenstein," Carolyn said gruesomely.

Bonus attachment for SSS! 

[salt27]

What time is it when a dozen Hottie women are chasing you ??.....12 after 1 

Time for you to wake up, you're dreaming.     

[Seldom Seen Slim]

Don, it sounds like you need to expand your horizons a bit. . .so such things aren't only dreams. . .

[floydjer]

I thought it was just a bad echo...Like that Bob & Tom sketch about the cell phone with an echo that sounds like a black guy.

[WOODY@DDLLC]

I could have gotten 33 weeks out of these but I'm a glutton for PUN-ishment!

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE:

1. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

2. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

3. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

4. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

5. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

6. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

7. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

8. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

9. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

10. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

11. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

12. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

13. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

14. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL BREAK-IN AND CLEAN THEM?

15. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

16. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

17. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

18. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

19. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

20. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

21. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

22. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

23. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

24. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

25. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

26. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

27. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

28. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

29. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?

30. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

31. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

32. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?

33. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?