Stupid joke FRIDAY

[floydjer]

Know why bees remain in the hive all winter long???.....Swarm. :clap

[floydjer]

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas....

[floydjer]

If you challenge death to a pillow fight...Prepare for the reaper cushions...

[WOODY@DDLLC]

Head Scratchers - ever wonder who thinks these up? {It might be Jer! }
1. If poison passes its expiration date, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?
2. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent" - the S or the C?
3. Do twins ever realize that at least one of them is unplanned?
4. Why is the letter "W" in English called "double U"? Shouldn't it be called "double V"?
5. Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and it just takes 75-100 years to fully work.
6. Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.
7. The word "SWIMS" (printed) upside-down is still "SWIMS".
8. 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.
Four great confusions still unresolved: 
1. At a movie theater, which arm rest is yours?
2. If people evolve from monkeys, why are monkeys still around?
3. Why is there a 'd' in "fridge" but not in "refrigerator"?
4. Who knew what time it was when the first clock was made?

Vagaries of the English Language!
* Ever wonder why the word "funeral" starts with 'fun'?
* Why isn't a Fireman called a 'Water-man'?
* How come Lipstick doesn't do what it says?
* If money doesn't grow on trees, how come banks have 'BRANCHES'?
* If a Vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a Humanitarian eat?
* How do you get off a 'NON-STOP' flight?
* Why are goods sent by ship called 'CARGO' and those sent by truck, 'SHIPMENT'?
* Why do we put cups in the 'DISHWASHER' and dishes in the 'CUPBOARD'?
* Why do doctors 'PRACTICE' medicine? Are they having practice at the cost of the patients?
* Why is it called 'RUSH HOUR' when traffic moves at its slowest then?
* How come noses RUN and feet SMELL?
* Why do they call it a TV 'SET' when there is only one?
* What are you vacating when you go on a 'VACATION'?

And last but not least...
Did you know that if you replace "W" with "T" in "What, Where and When," you get the answer to each of them?

[fastesthonda_jim]

My wife and I had the cutest little daughter.  Looked like my mom so we named our little one after her.
It's been a wonderful few years, and we're just so excited that, next week Passive Aggressive Psycho turns five

[floydjer]

I would never comment on another person's name. Nor would my sisters Tarry and Mary.

[Stainless1]

I would never comment on another person's name. Nor would my sisters Tarry and Mary.

Thank you Jerry Berry... (for the new members)

Yea my buddy Richard Head prefers his formal first name as does another friend Herold Butts.... but I always call them Dick and Harry

[floydjer]

Bob..I went to high school with Sandy Beach...And worked with Mark Clark.

[WOODY@DDLLC]

In the Army they called role by last name, first name. My bud Dick Hammer was always embarrassed! 
One base I was at had a WAC named Mary Christmas - rumor was she could make your New Year Happy! 

[floydjer]

SJF has gone off the rails.....I also worked with Ron Moore..Of course we called him "Moore, Ron"... And my sister Mary was born on Christmas eve. How my mother resisted naming her " Merry Christmas" is a family mystery.

[floydjer]

I remember how shocked I was after seeing a ship wreck....Took awhile for it to sink in

[floydjer]

I told a carpet installer not to cover the lower level steps and he gave me a blank stair.....

[fastesthonda_jim]

Speaking of stairs I remember my favorite Tom Swifty.

"Bring the prisoner down the stairs," said Tom, condescendingly.

[floydjer]

That took puns to another level......

[fastesthonda_jim]

Man, Jerry, you are fast. 
Now, if you could just get that car running the same....