Stupid joke FRIDAY

[floydjer]

Pete....The earth is not flat....If it were, a cat would have knocked everything off the edge by now....

[fastesthonda_jim]

(Stolen from another venue - somebody's gotta start this thing)

Today's Work From Home Tip:

Blowing on the wine in your coffee mug will help convince the Zoom meeting that your tea is hot. 

[floydjer]

I know a doctor named Juan who specializes in tattoo removal...For the past 20 years he has also been robbing banks and has not been caught.....No one ever expects the Spanish ink physician...

[floydjer]

I bought a condensed thesaurus and it is terrible..not only that, It is terrible too....

[Stainless1]

But is it tearable...

[USFRAMONTE]

Mrs. Claus asks Santa to look out the window and see if it is snowing.
So Santa looks out, turns back to her and says, "Nope, it is just rein deer".

[floydjer]

So that is how you want to play?🤔...Why does Santa come down the chimney?? Because it soots him well.....( knew that would sleigh you)

[tortoise]

Mrs. Claus asks Santa to look out the window and see if it is snowing.
So Santa looks out, turns back to her and says, "Nope, it is just rein deer".

The way I heard it, it was Comrade Rudolph saying it's raining. His wife asks if maybe it's actually snow, and he replies "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear".

[floydjer]

Hey Bob.....I replaced my old thesaurus with a new one...All of the pages are blank. I have no words to express my anger....

[Stainless1]

Well Jerry I guess you need Bobby McFerrin's advice.... Don't worry... be happy
you won't need to express your exasperation... or choke the living shit outta someone that needs it...

[floydjer]

How much did Santa's sleigh cost?.....Nothing...It is on the house....

[floydjer]

Santa's least favorite reindeer?....Rude-olph......

[WOODY@DDLLC]

Santa says, "HO! HO! HO! " until he gets to my house then it's, "HA! HA! HA! " 
Everyone have a Merry Christmas and a Happier New Year! 

[fastesthonda_jim]

Pet question for the sages that inhabit (inhibit?) this Dear Abby wannabee -

At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog he's adopted?

[fastesthonda_jim]

I saw a girl crying, so, being a compassionate Land Speed Racer, I asked her "Where are your parents?" and she started crying even more.
Man, I love working at the orphanage.