Stupid joke FRIDAY

[USFRAMONTE]

What's the difference between a sewing machine and a kiss?

One sews seams nice......the other seems so nice!

[Freud]

Ole and Sven were fishing in the Minnesota opener when Sven pulled out a cigar.

Finding he had no matches, he asked Ole for a light.

'Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter,'  he replied, and then, reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.

'Yiminy Cricket!' exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic lighter in his hands. 'Vere dit yew git dat monster??'

' Vell,' replied Ole,  'I got it from my Genie.'

'You haff a Genie?' Sven asked.

'Ya, shure. It's right here in my tackle box,' says Ole.

'Could I see him?'

Ole opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops the Genie.

[aircap]

Still waiting for the punchline, Doc.

[Freud]

Herr aircap........

I friggin' spaced out and didn't realize that the last few sentences didn't attach when I

pasted it in.

So, with the toilet paper still sticking to the crack of my Acura, I confidently walk up to

the podium to complete the joke.  The crowd is laughing before I get there and I am

convinced that I am the funniest turd in the punch bowl.

Here it is in total......I hope.





Ole and Sven were fishing in the Minnesota opener when Sven pulled out a cigar.

Finding he had no matches, he asked Ole for a light.

'Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter,'  he replied, and then, reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.

'Yiminy Cricket!' exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic lighter in his hands. 'Vere dit yew git dat monster??'
 
' Vell,' replied Ole,  'I got it from my Genie.'
 
'You haff a Genie?' Sven asked.
 
'Ya, shure. It's right here in my tackle box,' says Ole.
 
'Could I see him?'
 
Ole opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops the Genie.  

Addressing the genie, Sven says, 'Hey dere! I'm a good friend of your master. Vill you grant me vun vish?'
 
'Yes, I will,' says the Genie.
 
So Sven asks the Genie for a million bucks.

 
The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there waiting for his million bucks.
 
Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks... flying directly overhead.


Over the roar of the million ducks, Sven yells at Ole, 'Yumpin' Yimminy, I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!'  

Ole answers, 'Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat Da Genie is hart of hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10-inch Bic?"




FREUD

I thought of waiting until next week but I don't plan on the future at my age.


.

[Stan Back]

Sure glad I wasted an hour trying to get the first virgin.

[TRT1954]

One night, after the couple had retired for the night, the woman became
aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner.
He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her
back.
He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly.
Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand
over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.
He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other.
His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs.
His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and
the returned to do the same to her right thigh.
By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to
better position herself.
The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.

"Why are you stopping darling?" she whispered.

He whispered back, "I found the remote."

[floydjer]

Never hit a man with glasses................Hit him with a baseball bat

[floydjer]

Why did the orange roll down the hill??......because he ran out of juice....

[Dean Los Angeles]

Hoo Wah! It's National Donut Day!



Celebrate with a donut video!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=woYGwW2UB34

[Milwaukee Midget]

Ole and Sven were fishing in the Minnesota opener when Sven pulled out a cigar.

Finding he had no matches, he asked Ole for a light.

'Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter,'  he replied, and then, reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.

'Yiminy Cricket!' exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic lighter in his hands. 'Vere dit yew git dat monster??'
 
' Vell,' replied Ole,  'I got it from my Genie.'
 
'You haff a Genie?' Sven asked.
 
'Ya, shure. It's right here in my tackle box,' says Ole.
 
'Could I see him?'
 
Ole opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops the Genie.  

Addressing the genie, Sven says, 'Hey dere! I'm a good friend of your master. Vill you grant me vun vish?'
 
'Yes, I will,' says the Genie.
 
So Sven asks the Genie for a million bucks.

 
The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there waiting for his million bucks.
 
Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks... flying directly overhead.


Over the roar of the million ducks, Sven yells at Ole, 'Yumpin' Yimminy, I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!'  

Ole answers, 'Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat Da Genie is hart of hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10-inch Bic?"

Uooofda!  Dat der explains my pot of mold, aina'?

[floydjer]

Sorry Dean...But March 14 is still my favorite holiday.

[floydjer]

Pre-emptive strike before Chris chimes in....RECEIVING...NOT GIVING

[4-barrel Mike]

Hoo Wah! It's National Donut Day!

How's about a little hot sauce on that donut?   

(This commercial was probably NOT shown during the Super Bowl).   

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJeSu1eq0dY

Mike

[SaltRat]

What? another flatulent chebbie?

Voodoo Mama Hot Sauce?  Sofa king funny!  Thanks!

Hoo Wah! It's National Donut Day!



Celebrate with a donut video!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=woYGwW2UB34

[floydjer]

I like gardening...In fact , When spring arrived I got so excited I wet my plants........................