The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread

[floydjer]

Since a contractor sliced my cable yesterday and I follow the rules....I shall leave this here........What do you call a young gold digger??....A minor...😁

[Stainless1]

When I was a kid I spent as much time as I could building sandcastles with my grandfather....

But my mom would catch me and make me put him back in the urn. 

[floydjer]

Yo Bob......I told Patti I would like to be cremated. She made an appointment for Tuesday.....

[Stainless1]

Jerry, Linda and I were at the lawyers office signing Trust, Wills, POA, and Medical decision documents... Linda got to the part where she had to sign that I could make medical decisions for her.... she was hesitant, asked the lawyer to explain how that worked... I said "don't worry darlin' I won't put you down if you get a head cold"... the lawyer was dumbfounded... he couldn't talk for several minutes.... not sure if he was going to shit or go blind   

[floydjer]

What did the turkey type into his new computer??? Google-Google...

[floydjer]

Hmm....An old Lang sign.....

[Speed Limit 1000]

My New Year?s resolution is to stop procrastinating...

but I'm going to wait until next year to start

[Seldom Seen Slim]

I keep putting off looking it up:  What does procrastinate mean?

[Stainless1]

It means neither of you can claim to be amateur crastinators any more 

[floydjer]

And you and your like minded friends could start your own country!! You would have your very own procrasti-nation.😃😃😃

[Speed Limit 1000]

My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate; I said "Just wait."

[floydjer]

Last week, Patti asked me to pass a lipstick and I accidentally passed a glue stick. She still isn't speaking to me.

[floydjer]

Called a limo service for a ride to the airport and learned the fee does not include the driver..🤔..$250 and nothing to chauffeur it.....

[floydjer]

Speaking of Greek mythology....Hercules had a crazy brother named Testiclees....He was nuts.

[Stainless1]

Linda was drying her hair when the power in the bathroom went off.... she asked me to take a look at it... I refused