The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread

[WOODY@DDLLC]

Salt wet? 
Still wanna race? 
No problem: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ytKzWZp__Gs&si=vSe1r-ceLiIWbSeo

[floydjer]

Landlord calls a tenant and wants to discuss their very high gas bill...Renter says "Come on over..the door is always open"

[floydjer]

Why does the Dali Lama go to Las Vegas?? He likes Tibet.....

[floydjer]

A wife, an ex wife, a step mother and a stripper walk into a courtroom....

[Stainless1]

Here's the quandary...
My buddy is an atheist...
We are headed to lunch in his truck
We pull up to a light behind a Subaru with a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker
The light changes, the Subaru doesn't move, driver is looking at her phone

[floydjer]

Just in from Mrs.floydjer.....What does a taxidermist do at lunch time?..He stuffs his face.

[Stainless1]

I need help, can't seem to keep the neighbors cat off my car.... any suggestions

[desotoman]

Ouch, on the CAT.

Accidently rubbed ketchup in my eyes,
Now I have Heinzsight.

Tom G.

[floydjer]

Young Stainless

[tallguy]

Two guys are fishing from a riverbank.  One of them says "Excuse me, I'll be right back" . . . and disappears into the woods.
A few minutes later, he returns and continues fishing.

About a half-hour later, this happens again.  A bunch of times.

Eventually, his buddy, curious, asks "I don't mean to be nosy -- but why do you keep disappearing like that?"

The first guy replies, "I have a case of diarrhea."

His buddy says "Well, why didn't you tell me?  I'd a helped you drink it."

[tallguy]

Two guys walk into a bar.

The first guy says to the bartender:  "I'll have an H2O."

The second guy says:  "I'll have an H2O, too."

The second guy died.

[Tonerjockey]

"the first guy says to the bartender:  "I'll have an H2O.""


or as Jacques Pepin called it:  Chateau Faucette

[floydjer]

Give a man a duck and he will eat for a day...Teach a man to duck, he will never walk in to a bar.....

[tallguy]

I couldn't afford to buy calcium-rich foods, and got osteopoorosis.

[tallguy]

"My dog is one of the world's best emulators."

     "Yeah?"

"Yeah.  Watch him.  Right now he's emulating a boulder."

     "He's not doing anything.  He's just lying there."

"That's what a boulder does.  Now watch this -- he's emulating a singer."

     "He's not singing."

"Well, Taylor Swift doesn't sing 24/7, either.  Now he's gonna emulate a pole vaulter."

     "But he's not -- oh, I get it.  Even a pole vaulter just lies around somewhere
       sometimes."   

"That's right.  Now he's emulating Helen Keller, who was blind and deaf."

     "She's dead."

"So is he.  One of the best emulators."