The un-official Land Racing Joke Thread

[Milwaukee Midget]

Wunnerful, wunnerful. Turn off the bubble machine....

Is THAT what that was -

I heard the gurgling sound, but after the smoke cleared, all I saw was Star Trek on the TV and a half eaten bag of Cheetos . . .

[manta22]

Wunnerful, wunnerful. Turn off the bubble machine....

Is THAT what that was -

I heard the gurgling sound, but after the smoke cleared, all I saw was Star Trek on the TV and a half eaten bag of Cheetos . . .

Obviously, Stan Freeburg had been there.............

[Elmo Rodge]

Wunnerful, wunnerful. Turn off the bubble machine....

Is THAT what that was -

I heard the gurgling sound, but after the smoke cleared, all I saw was Star Trek on the TV and a half eaten bag of Cheetos . . .

Obviously, Stan Freeburg had been there.............

With Saint George and the Dragonet.  Wayno

[floydjer]

We shouldn`t make jokes about pot....It does have two known side effects......Memory loss and  ......I forgot what the other one is.

[floydjer]

Oh yeah........It`s memory loss.

[relaxedphit]

Who needed MTV? We did just fine with Jimi, Stones and Zepplin while watching that adjust your color bar on my black & white TV.

[Dean Los Angeles]

Cliff Clavin on beer:

"Well, you see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it's the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

[Dean Los Angeles]

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today!
If you purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG, you would have $33.00.
If you purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers, you would have $0.00 today.

But, if you purchased $1,000 worth of beer, drank it, turned in the aluminum cans for recycling, you would have $214.00.

Therefore the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401- Keg Plan

[floydjer]

Why is the third hand on a clock called the second hand

[maguromic]

Why do people always complain about loose fitting tights?    Tony

[tauruck]

Dean, you just made my day. If we ever meet a six pack is yours. If you drink beer?.

[floydjer]

Why do we sing " Take me out to the ball game " when we are already there??...And why are they called "stands" when you use them to sit???....................How did Webster know the  correct spelling of all those words??

[wobblywalrus]

On the lunch room table at work...

[tauruck]

Nice one Bo.

[Dean Los Angeles]

The folks at the National Weather Service want to get paid too.